Let. It.Go. Chapters 3 & 4

Sorry this post is later than I anticipated.  We were bombarded with snow and the loss of power that forced my delay.  But, none the less, it is here.

Chapter 3, of Let. It. Go by Karen Ehman, gave me so much to think about. While, I, like Eve, can easily twist God’s word to justify my actions (eating the forbidden fruit) or thinking in different situations of my life, I find myself more like Adam (blaming Eve for telling him to eat the forbidden fruit or God for giving him Eve to begin with). I find it easy to pass the blame of my own actions onto others or even God Himself. I don’t know how many times I have blamed God for the wrongs in my life. “Why God? Why have you done this to me? Why have you put me in this position?” In reality, I should be looking at my own actions. There is always a choice and the choice- most always- is mine to make. Deep down I think I know better for myself than God does. And, if I’m being honest, sometimes the path God’ puts before me (the path I could probably pin down being the one he wants me to take) is often long and full of bumps. I want to take the easy way- the path that gets me there quicker. However, a lot of times, the quicker path is the one guided by that tempting serpent and where I end up sinning the most in my journey.  Why can I not just fully submit to the Lord and let him guide my path?

Chapter 4 focused on marriages and not forcing your control onto your husband, but rather help him and advise him while ultimately still allowing him to be the leader of your family.  I struggle tremendously with this.  I went from a relationship in which I had NO control over ANYTHING (including what I wore to how often I brushed my teeth) to a relationship where my input and decision making was welcomed.  Slowly, as I got more comfortable with the relationship, I developed a “I will never let another man treat me that way” state of mind.  I have (and still do) tried to control most aspects in my relationship.  Karen gave us some “guidelines” to follow in our relationships.  Maybe these will help me some with my control issues.

  1. Realize that the act of submitting is always a choice by and an action of the wife.”  My problem is that I don’t want to submit at all.  For me, submitting even a little means I might be opening the door for another person to control me.
  2. Know that backing off and not controlling your husband will feel very foreign.”  God wants us to make decisions with our husbands- not for them.
  3. Next, recognize the subtle difference between manipulation and influence.”  I confess!  I am so guilty of using manipulation to get what I want from my husband. I really need to work on this one!
  4. Then find the unique dance steps that work for your marriage.”
  5. Recognize when you need dancing lessons from a pro.”

A lot of those are easier said than done, but very do able and worth while.  It might take some time and enforcing new habits, but my marriage is worth it.

Let. It. Go. Chapters 3 & 4 Review Coming This Weekend

I am a little slow this week adding my reviews for chapters 3 & 4, but it will bedone this weekend- promise. I got a promotion at work and am trying to fihure oyt all my new job responsabilities.

Nemo 2013

We are currently at the tail end (I hope) of Nemo and thought I would post a few pictures in between the power flickering on and off.

Nemo 2013 Nemo 2013 frosty hand prints

Nemo

WIReD & Let. It. Go. – Are you a cat or a dog?

I began the Let. It. Go. (written by Karen Ehman) Online Bible Study with roughly 8,000 other women this past week at Melissa Taylor’s site (for those who don’t know, Melissa Taylor is a wonderful OBS leader).  Only 2 chapters in and I can already say I will be sad when this study ends.

Hi, my name is Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Florist (with promotion to Floral Shop manager next week), Bill Payer, Schedule Maker, Chauffer, House Keeper… and I have a tendency to control.  I’m a soft spoken (most of the time)/enabler/martyr/people pleaser.  But I have hope and so do you!  My hope is coming from this study right now.  I am clinging on with everything I am that by the end of this study I will have relinquished some of the control I feel I need to have and have learned how to delegate some responsibilities without giving myself a panic attack.

“It was a frightening and foreign sensation that left my stomach untouched but invaded my thoughts and emotions every day.  The feeling was that of being utterly out of control.”

Oh, how hard this hits home for me.  While Karen was using an example of being pregnant with severe morning sickness and having to rely one family and friends to help her, my thoughts turn immediately to surgeries and fairs.  That’s right- I said fairs.  But, before I get to that one, let me explain my control issues surrounding surgeries.

I think my issues mostly with surgeries stems from being in a very violent relationship several years ago.  One of the things he really liked to do was to show me just how much stronger he was then I by pinning me down and holding me there.  To this day I still can’t be pinned down- even in play.  I first realized this affected my ability to go through surgery without a panic attack the first surgery I had.  It was hand surgery.  I didn’t realize I had been strapped down (thank you medicine!) until half way through the surgery when I tried moving (I had been given a local so I was still awake during the procedure) and couldn’t.  After being told by the anesthesiologist several times to calm down and stop moving, I was knocked out completely for the duration of the procedure.  My second surgery was even worse.  Because of my experience with the first surgery, the surgeon decided to put me to sleep for its’ entirely.  I was told after I came out of the anesthesia that I had actually started waking in the middle of surgery screaming out and trying to move around to free myself from my restraints.  I don’t remember this happening, but it’s pretty scary to think it had.  I’ve had a few surgeries since.  I get panic attacks while in pre-op and have to be sedated even before the surgery begins.  The staff is made aware of this and of my history well in advance.  I have to be in control of some aspects of my surgery to even get me through the doors.  1.  My husband must be in recovery before I begin to wake.  2.  I don’t see any restraints.  Don’t even bring them out until after I am completely knocked out.  3.  I will rip at my IV and oxygen tube that goes in the nose as I am waking, so they need to be vigilant about watching for it.

Ok, so that might be a reasonable reason for exerting control (although it may be a little neurotic).  But what about fairs?  Why do I need to exhibit so much control at fairs?  One word- RIDES!!!!  I literally cannot step onto any ride at a fair ground no matter how slow or fast it is.  My husband found this out first-hand the first time we went to a local fair together.  He kept after me to go on this ride.  It kind of looked like an enclosed tea-cup ride with a teddy bear on it.  It goes around and around in circles and the seats themselves can go around in circles separate from the other seats.  I caved and reluctantly agreed.  But the first time that ride lifted up and tilted, I began screaming and having a panic attack.  To my (and my husband’s) embarrassment, the ride had to be stopped so I could get off.  And why?  Because, I am not the one running the control panel and I most certainly will not trust anyone but myself to run the rides.  So, since I actually don’t know how to work the box and don’t work for the people in control of the fairs, I don’t get to ride on any.

“When we ladies are responsible for so many people and tasks, it seems natural, and even necessary, to call all the shots.”

It’s hard for me to relinquish control to anyone- including my husband- even for the smallest of tasks. Take grocery shopping for example.  I have to write out the shopping list each week and it has to be written in a certain way.  I have to have it starting in the produce section and ending with the frozen food aisle.  Everything on the list needs to be in the exact order as I go into the aisles.  While we are shopping, I can’t send anyone off in another aisle to get anything or it completely throws me off.  Pretty silly, huh?

“What we must do is determine the difference between being conscientious (our part) and being in control (God’s job).”

Sadly, I wish it were that easy.  I know God is going to protect me.  I know he knows what is best for me- even more than I.  I know I should “trust” him.  I love him and want to honor him, but do I really trust him?  I say I do.  Then why don’t I allow him to do HIS job.  This is something I know I have to work on.  I am hoping that by the end of this study, I will be able to give God his job back.

One of my favorite parts I have read thus far was when Karen explained dog and cat theology.  Dog theology is when the dog is so happy you are home.  They are so excited to see you, want to spend every moment with you and make YOU happy.  You feed them, spend time with them, pat their backs and rub their bellies.  “You must be God!”  Cat theology is when the cat thinks you are happy to be home with them.  You feed them, spend time with them, pat their backs and rub their bellies.  You do all this because THEY “must be God.”  While humorous, it is the truth and a clever way of making a comparison.  I hope this type of humor continues through the book.

“When we go through life looking out for ourselves, taking control rather than trusting God for guidance, making decisions based solely on what’s best for us rather than what will make God most famous to those around us, we’re elevating ourselves above God and buying into backward, upside-down cat theology.”

So, my question to you is this- Do you want to be a cat or a dog?

MIA

I know I have been missing in action lately.  I apologize.  I had full intentions on participating in the last obs, Greater, at WWW.Melissa Taylor.org.  But, as everyone knows, God gives us curve balls in life and I have recently been thrown a major one.  I am gearing up to have my life completely turned upside down and inside out.  But, for now, I am excited to participate in the new obs, let. it. go by Karen Lehman which starts tomorrow.  And, if everything goes as planned, I will journal my way through the study as I did with unglued.

I Give You Thanks, Lord!

“Yours, O Lord,
is the greatness, the power,
the glory, the victory,
and the majesty.
Everything in the heavens
and on earth is Yours,

O Lord,
and this is Your kingdom.
We adore You
as the One who is over all things.
Wealth and honor come from You alone,
for You rule over everything.
Power and might are in Your hand,
and at Your discretion
people are made great and given strength.
O our God,

we thank You
and praise Your glorious name!”
(1 Chronicles 29:11-13, NLT)

Sharing a beautiful song…

Lysa TerKeurst is giving away copies of CD’s today on her blog.  The artist is Michael O’Brien and he has an AMAZING voice.  I want to share with all of you one of his beautiful songs that I love titled “I’ll Rise.”

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